I knew there would be a problem when I hung up the phone…

I’ll do a full post about the cool stuff that happened this weekend, when I’m more in the mindset to write about it…for now, however…Adventures in Albany:

Apparently some people are confused, so I figured I’d just state all the givens (like in math class, sort of…just without the dime bags being passed back and forth and the pop quizzes…):

1. I am getting Dual citizenship with Israel and the United States
2. I am moving to Israel
2.a no this isn’t ‘just for school’
2.b I have no idea if this is forever, this is for now: I don’t write endings, I have no idea where I’m supposed to be or where I’m meant to go…I go where my feet take me and right now they’re taking me to Tel Aviv.
2.c Yes, I realize that this comes with an IDF Requirement
2.d I’m looking forward to it…and the uniform…
3. To get my Dual Citizenship through the Law of Return, I have to meet with a Shaliach (sort of an Emissary) who will go over a pack of papers which I’ve completed and I’ve even gotten the mandatory passport photos they ask for taken
3.a. Part of those papers must include my birth certificate
3.b. That birth certificate, to be recognized by Israel, must have an Apostille attached
3.c. To have this meeting, I need to bring with me my birth certificate with said Apostille attached.
3.d. I have to go to Albany (as far as people on the phone told me) to get said apostille…though I may be able to get it in NYC (though Albany didn’t think so)
3.e. To work within my time frame, I cannot reschedule this meeting

So, I called up Albany, got what I thought was the correct information from a very helpful, friendly woman (this should have been my first clue, by the way, that I was about to be fucked directly up the ass by some smarmy, miserable fuck with a stamp and a notary seal) and booked a train ticket down to Amsterdam, where I would stay with Jackie (iolausian) for a couple of days over the weekend until the office opened on Monday; Jackie would drive me there, I’d get the seal, and head back to Buffalo all ready for my meeting with the Shaliach on the 16th…easy plan…right?…right!?…RIGHT!?

So I come to find out yesterday (Monday) that before I can get the Apostille attached FIRST I have to get it certified by the town clerk…hahahaha…that’s cute…that’s really, really cute…and the woman on the phone goes “DO YOU KNOW WHERE OLD COUNTRY ROAD IS, IN MINEOLA” and it’s at that point where I knew – I KNEW – that there must be a God because short of sexual favors (which she was clearly no where NEAR talented enough to perform) only through divine intervention could these people obtain (and retain) jobs.

Old Country Road in Mineola is about, oh…15 minutes from my house in Plainview, Long Island, NY…so from Albany I hopped a Grey Hound bus (I hate taking the bus, I much prefer the train for any and all travel that can’t be done with an airplane) and on the six and a half hour ride back to Buffalo had plenty of time to think (I’ll address why I went back to Buffalo, instead of to Long Island in a moment), after holding back the urge to vomit at the time I had wasted (not that seeing Jackie and Jean felperland wasn’t pleasant…but I really, really need the Apostille and that was the reason for going down there in the first place) I then thought about the money that was wasted and the only thought in my head was “I’m not even supposed to be here today…”

I then picked up Running with Scissors and got a decent way through it…the book is wickedly funny (thanks for the recommendation twisty_mirror). Anyway…the reason I’m back in Buffalo is because I have a four hour class on Tuesdays and Thursdays with mandatory attendance…so I’m back in Buffalo, I’m going to Class Tuesday night, Wednesday at the ungodly hour of 5am-ish I’m heading to jetBlue, flying down to Long Island, getting the god damn county certification, calling NYC to find out if it was them or Albany who was lying, and if it was Albany, getting the Apostille in NYC and then heading back to Buffalo Thursday morning, going to class, and returning to NYC on Friday for my meeting on the 16th (which is a Monday). If it was NYC (as I’ve been lead to believe), I’m getting on a plane (with my doubly certified birth certificate) and heading to Buffalo Thursday morning, going to class Thursday night, Friday morning getting on a Bus arriving in Albany in the AM, getting the Apostille and then getting on a Train or a Bus to NYC in the evening…and regardless of all this, I will be in NYC on the 14th at the latest for my meeting with the Shaliach on the 16th…

…oh, I also have my meeting with Dr. Wölk on the 21st where I’m supposed to have my paper (currently at 179 pages) completed…hahahahahahahaha…currently it has a B+ so somewhere after my meeting with the Shaliach I need to head to a public library to get more source material, and listen to more Eminem…because the paper passes with a B+…and I’ve proved my case (using Sociolinguistics & Critical Discourse Analysis) that Eminem is a feminist and for gay rights…but I’ve only proved my case to a B+ and god dammit I want an A.

In other news, Ants have re-invaded my Bathroom…and while my general rule is that I don’t care what you do when you’re outside but once you come inside my apartment I treat it as an act of war…I do sort of feel bad for them, since there is no food in my apartment, no crumbs, nothing edible short of emergency canned food since I haven’t been home long enough to get food…so they’re starving…and angry…and they can just deal.

…and for those paying attention, yes, that’s 80’s Christian Rock that I’m listening to…it’s a bad, bad, bad guilty pleasure…I had a crush on Michael W. Smith since I was 14; though I always liked Twila Paris’ outfits better than his…they were very flowy…I’ve always liked flowy clothes.

And somewhere, between all of this, I need to get laid so I can destress…though that may happen on the 17th, I need to check my calendar.

And with that, my good friends, is a brief, brief, brief portion of a much, much, much larger update…thank you, and goodnight.