So I was in the E.R. for 5 Hours Yesterday or Shin Splints Suck Balls

As it happened

To explain what happened, we need to go back to 12:00am Monday Morning. I got an IM from Jacqueline (hollow_voice) explaining that few of the usual suspects were going to be meeting up at the Lake Effect Diner, which is about a 10 minute, easy walk from my apartment so I accepted the offer and decided to go as well.

I Walked there, no problem. had fun, had some eats, said my goodbyes to everyone and I started to walk home (again, no problem)…I keep walking and boom, shooting, piercing pain, through my left leg…my reaction was (after going “oh fuck”) “well, maybe it’s because of the weather, it’ll work itself out as I walk home.”

I Walk home, and I was in more pain by the time I got home. So I figured it would work itself out overnight. Woke up, and was in more pain then when I went to bed and now because I was limping and putting all of my weight on my right leg, that thigh was sore. I then figured “well, maybe I should stretch it out and walk to South Campus and head to North Campus, I have to get a haircut anyway1.” So I walk (well, actually, it was mostly limping at this point, but regardless) to South Campus and take the shuttle and get on North Campus at around 12:18pm (by my watch) and do some chores and then walk around campus to stretch it out…by 3:00pm I could not walk, the pain was too much.

At this point, I began to think that, maybe, perhaps, I might, at some point in the not-so-distant future, against my natural reaction to ignore these things with the “pain is weakness leaving the body” mantra, need to maybe seek medical attention. I call Mom to explain to her what’s going on and get her take on it. Then I call Michael Hall (also known colloquially as the Student Death Center known for their world famous ability to mis-diagnos Mono and Bronchitis and for their magical ability to cure all maladies and mishaps with nothing more than a band-aid and a thermometer, much like McGuyver, they can also disarm a nuclear warhead with the same supplies and they apply the same philosophy to diplomatic and sexual relations…we believe a Band-Aid-Thermometer cult may be starting to form, actually…).

Michael hall’s phone rings once, and sends me immediately to their voice mail…where, in the background, one can hear sirens going off and on the message a woman – attempting to appear and present herself as calm, and failing – saying “due to problems with our fire system we are closed today…” (sort of cosmic, in retrospect) so I call Anna (primanna) and ask for a ride to the Hospital (I take my friends to all the fun and classy joints). Anna comes and we head to Millard Fillmore Suburban because within a 30 mile range of my apartment, no one takes my Insurance outside of the national pharmacy chains so I can’t even just go to a general practitioner for this bullshit.

We arrive at Millard Fillmore, after waiting, I get seen and at first they thought it was a blood clot in my leg, then another doctor walks in and thinks that it’s a shin splint; however because the first one thought it was a blood clot I had to go for a Dopler Ultrasound where they scan your legs for blood clots, first. I was wheeled down to the Dopler Ultrasound room, assisted to the table, told to strip off my shorts and put the blanket on me and starting at both sides of my groin they applied the liquid and did their thing. The only cool part about this is that the ultrasound machine plays the noise your leg makes and if anyone’s into experimental music, it’s something they should check out…it was like listening to an internal guitar. The procedure took about 45 minutes2.

I was then wheeled back up to the E.R. where I was given the Diagnosis of a “Shin Splint.” which I’ve been informed, by the doctor, does not require me to be an athlete or to have fallen, or stumbled or, as far as I can tell, to even have legs or feet and that the more I walk on it , the worse it will get and the longer it will take to heal. The doctor asked if there was a chance that I would stay off it for a long period of time, oh say a month and maybe could I slow down….I told him that staying off it for a long period of time (or at least that long) was not an option and totally out (I have a convention that I need to help run with gryvon, covarla & kokoroyume starting Thursday and come hell or high water, I’ll be in Israel in 14 days).

So, after discussion we did come up with a treatment plan, but suffice it to say while I’m not canceling any of my trips I do have to re-work the details of most of them (for instance, the 40 mile hike I wanted to do in Israel is now totally out as is the Drag Show in Toronto because I can’t walk on it for long periods of time, let alone dance in six inch stilettos) and I’m annoyed because I feel like a wuss because I’m reading up on this and it’s not a serious injury, but it hurts like all get-go and I’m not sure if that’s like…supposed to happen or if magically, my pain threshold has just shrunk and being that my personal belief is that I shouldn’t need to go to an E.R. and waste their time unless I have two bullets in me (minimum) and I’m missing a leg/arm/major-sex-organ-of-my-choosing, I’m now also annoyed that I had to go to a hospital in the first place because someone at Michael Hall (and I’m guessing) decided to use their emergency sprinkler as a place to hang their jacket thus setting off the fire-system.

However, I will be in Israel for quite a few years in the long run, so while I may not be able to go clubbing and dance all night long or hiking as I had originally intended, there’s more then enough coffee houses, shesh-besh tables, university areas, bookstores, shops, wonderful conversationalists, and touristy-things for me to do to keep myself occupied and while I did plan on walking all around Jerusalem I’ve been told by the doctor that I saw today that doing so would be counter productive to my interests and that I should certainly go to Israel and to Jerusalem, but plan on taking it slow and not walking too far or for too long at a time (so Museums with benches are a good bet as well). But, as covarla said I can also use more time than I was originally planning to explore university options, etc.

To sum it all up, Shin Splints Suck Balls.
1 The haircut…well, let’s just say I’ll be wearing a baseball hat or a large, large yarmulke for the next month…it’s…awful.
2 The reason it took more than the usual 30 minutes is because I’m incredibly ticklish in all the right places and while laughing during sex is okay because it adds to the overall mood, it apparently messes up the diagnostics that they needed to do with me ‘breathing normally and not wiggling around’ I told her she was pushy.

Ending on a Positive Note

I finally had the Business Card & Post Card that mr_weaselpants designed for me printed; and they came out fan-fucking-tasting; I have copies of both of them for him so he can put them in his portfolio…they’re just, amazing.

Today’s Game Plan

1. Sleep
2. Rest
3. Figure out how to get the laundry done
4. Clean out the fridge
5. Vacuum
6. Pack

…now, time to watch the Law & Order: SVU episodes I just got off of iTunes.

Peace.