The Mating Dance


he’s hot, he’s tall, he’s broad shouldered, he has well defined abs yet he’s still lanky, he has black hair and perfect stubble (essentially my type) and he’s brutally handsome and beautifully arrogant and cocky…exactly what I go for in a guy.

As Eddie Izzard would say, we’re currently playing “splashy splashy, swimmy swimmy”

I’m fairly sure, based on stuff that he’s told me, that he’s Bi…also knowing his personality and his sense of humor (which runs almost parallel with mine) that if he were gay, he would tell people he wasn’t: not because he was in the closet, but to fuck with them. Of course, given that trait, it also means that he would have no problem setting off the hormones of an unsuspecting homo (namely myself) for his entertainment (which of course, makes him that much more attractive). He knows I like him, I know that he knows that I like him, I know that he knows, that I know that he likes me (at the base level of friendship and camaraderie, later opportunities as determined by orientation) so we’ve been continuing the mating dance and now we’re getting near Valentine’s day.

So I’m getting him a Valentine, but I also can’t let him know out loud (because we both know internally) that I’m head over heels for him, because then he’ll be utterly unbearable (and even more attractive) so I need to find a Valentine that tows the line between the Valentine’s Day cards that says something to the effect of “I got you a card so you’d know what a valentines day card looks like” and one that’s also more “splashy, splashy, swimmy, swimmy” because that way if we don’t get to the “I fancy you” stage, I still have plausible deniability.

I’m also inviting him to the anti-valentines day party that Alice (maleficentseyes) and I are hosting.

The other day he went out of his way to be a (cute) pain in my ass, until I started punching him in the arm, at which point he just laughed at me…and such, is the nature, of the mating dance.

Really, “splashy splashy, swimmy swimmy” just defines it.

If he isn’t Bi or Gay and I’m reading all of his right signals the way that he wants me to (just to screw with me) I want to be his friend, his sense of humor is wicked, twisted, disturbed, and involves some dead baby jokes that even I haven’t heard of yet.