Arabic Exams, Power of Attorney & Living Wills

My Arabic Final is Today…I’m doing a hail moses.

After the Arabic Exam, which is conveniently when I can resume breathing, I’m coming home to complete my last Linguistic Analysis I homework, then Friday Natalie is being amazing and driving me up to Toronto so I can get the last of the required Data, analyze that Friday night, finish typing the paper over the weekend (with a minor break to go to iolausian‘s office party on Saturday), then turn it in Monday (with graphs, break down, analysis, etymology and all), Monday is also when I have my Linguistic Analysis I final, so I can then take that, come home, and finish studying for my Linguistic Analysis II Final which I have on Wednesday, of course realizing that ‘the best laid plans of mice and men’ rule does indeed apply, in anticipation of it’s application, I’m walking around with an umbrella incase a herd of emus decide that falling on my head is on their life’s to do list (an emu attack, of such nature, would no doubt, render me totally useless).

Speaking of being rendered useless.

My father handed me a stack of papers when I was home on Monday that he wants me to sign. I could tell by the paper size that they were legal documents. They were, drafted by his attorney, a Power of Attorney, Living Will, etc…which of course now means that I have to go through them and re-type the whole damn thing (thank you Paralegal Certificate Program at UB), because as much as I love my father, there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that I’d ever give him power of attorney after the past 22 years. Sorry, not happening. He doesn’t know what kind of bagel I like (despite always getting the same kind of bagel, since I was able to eat them – it’s sesame seed bagel, strawberry cream cheese, for those curious), let alone my views on medicine, mental health, and healthcare overall. He can’t tell you what I do for fun, who my friends are, what my favorite color is and the only reason he knows my eye color is because we both have the same color eyes (Hazel).

I also want to check with my attorneys (separate from my father’s attorneys) what legal implications these documents have if something horrible (God forbid) happens when I’m living in a different country (with no return date in sight)? Does it even matter then? Should I have the documents translated into a few languages? What are their jurisdiction? These are questions that are far-outside the scope of my knowledge and need to be answered.

I will not, however, turn over of my Power of Attorney to him (especially since I’m now in a business partnership with Christie and Candie – we formed an LLC recently), the version I was given that his attorney drafted would allow him to take control of all of my interests if a time should arise where I cannot make decisions for myself. I’m not comfortable with giving up that kind of power, to someone who doesn’t really know me.

I also (since I’m signing the Living Will thing after I revise it) restating my wishes right here, right now:

If I’m to be in a permanent vegetative state (such as Terri Schiavo was) with no hope of a full recovery – then I demand to be taken out with whatever means necessary (be it a Bazooka, Tank or Mosad)…and if anyone dares attempt to ‘save’ my vegatitve-hooked-up-to-a-machine ass, I swear to all things holy and good I’ll haunt you for the rest of your days and into the afterlife…and not in that scary ghost bullshit sort of way either…oh no…that’s too cliché…I’ll go around adding your telephone number to every bar room bathroom wall on the globe (ghosts can fly) and you will NEVER have matching socks again and good luck finding your TiVo remote, that fucker’s gone! If you’re a real friend, you better be rushing to that plug and if a doctor tries to stand in your way you body check him. If I’m at the point past no return, you Mission Impossible/007 that shit and take me out quicker than Bambi’s Mom during hunting season.

I think that’s clear enough.

And now, time for sleep, before I get up at nine am, to leave for campus by ten, to study until 3:30…g’night!!