Subject: My Father & Me
Date: Sunday 10/1/06 4:25:00 AM
Friended, feel free to discuss here, just not outside of this LJ entry
There’s a Skate Park Being Built Behind My House
There’s a skate park being built behind my house…I know this because I started framing the half pipe with my Dad today (my younger brother’s a skate boarder, he’s good too). And as we spent four hours framing this (what will be) killer half pipe I used it to talk to my father; will we always have differences? Yes. But I believe that talking can fix almost everything, and when words won’t do, a hug will.
We spoke a good deal, in metaphor at times, as the two of us used power tools and saws and we got this thing ready (yes, I can frame a deck, remodel a basement, and drive heavy machinery…I’ve worked construction before…I also look really good in a tool belt =P) we got to deal with a lot of issues that both of us have been holding inside.
We are not dirt poor, my father just really sucks at communicating. This is a good thing (not the lack of communicating, the not being poor part).
And then I told him (and in a way, this is like coming out all over again) that I was emmigrating (‘Rising up’ or ‘Returning to’ as Eli reminds me) to Israel; and he asked me questions, and the first hour I explained to him why (an academic reason being that I want to be fluent in a language other than English before I get my graduate degree) and then finally I told him “I want to make Aliyeh” and he put down the saw and said “are you prepared to serve in the IDF?” and I looked at him and said “Yes, I will do what I have to do to achieve my happiness, and I would feel guilty if other Gay men who are weaker than I did it, and I did not.”
And he looked at me and said “then you’re prepared to do what I wasn’t, you know your Mother and I support you in whatever you choose…what’s your plan? To serv in the IDF, meet someone, and live there?” and I said “that’s rather accurate.”
My Father lived on a kibbutz for quite a few years, and he married his first wife there.
Of course, I think the first and the third are probably the easiest…it’s always hard to meet someone.
After four or so hours Mom and I went to the mall, where she bought me cologne (Aqua di Gio) and then we wennt to Target (attached to the mall) to get a few things that we need (I needed mini discs so I can get ready to do some field work, which I’ll talk about in another post) and I found the legally blonde movies in a box set, I got mom setup with arrested development and nip/tuck 1-2 and then I drove us to a little italian gelato dessert/bakery place we frequent with Shulamit and we sat, we talked, we cried.
“This is the only thing you’ve said that you want to do after you graduate that rings well in my ear” – Mom
My parents are strongly behind my decision, my Mom said it’s the only thing I said I wanted to do that feels right to her. She didn’t want me applying somewhere knowing I would be (socially, in my heart, unhappy). We discussed logistics and some spiritual things. I had some wonderful orange gelato. I promised that the first time she visits we can go to Egypt.
In the movie Balto, Balto brings this female dog who he’s attracted to, to the place that he stays, and she says “what a dump” and he says “no let me show you” and he shoves a bunch of glass together and the light hits it and it replicates the northern lights…later when balto is lost and trying to find his way home, the lady dog worrying about him, shoves the glass together and it lights up like a beacon so he could find his way home and he gets home safe.
This is why, in my Mother’s kitchen you’ll a lot of glass bottles in the window…so her puppies can find their way home. It’s hard for her to tell people, she starts crying too hard before she can explain it.
Lost can mean many things.
My Mom thinks I’m on the right path, and she’s happy. And she said “sometimes it may be dangerous” and I said “it’s dangerous here too, danger is everywhere…but happiness is not.”
Even the hosts of heaven are judged
We are entering Yom Kippur after the days of Awe, when even the hosts of heaven are judged and tremble before the lord saying ‘we have transgressed, we have transgressed’ and then Kol Nidrei, I’ve been waiting for this for so long.
An easy fast to all who fast.