Subject: I’m moving to Tel Aviv.
Date: Saturday 9/30/06 2:23:00 AM
I was talking with Mom this evening after arriving in New York from Buffalo (an eight and a half hour drive, due to traffic) and I was showing her my school work and my research (which she loves, she finds it fascinating) and she said “what’s next?”
And I listed her off the grad schools I was going to apply to and she said “I know you haven’t been happy in Buffalo for a long time” which is true, and she asked “would you be happy there” and I said “no” and she said “at Berkley?” and I said… “no” and she asked “in Colorado?” and I said…no…
And so she asked “where would you be happy”
And I said, I have a calling, a voice I’ve been hearing for some time…Tel Aviv, I hear it in my heart, I hear it in my head, and I hear it in my soul…it echoes within me daily.
So she said “then that’s where you will go…you’ve been in school for 19 years…I want you to be happy, you need to go where you’re happy”
And I stopped for a second, and thought…I have no connection to Berkley, I have no connection with Colorado…I’ve been in school for over 19 years (since I was three, when I entered Nursery School).
It’s time for me to live life, to learn languages, to travel, to open my heart and to once again feel the skin of another man’s against mine but this time he’ll be speaking a language other than English and one that I come closer to understanding every day…but he’ll be a man like me. It’s time for me to go where I have pictures of, and stories of and dreams of and jealousy of…for people who are in a position I would kill to be in.
And with perhaps reckless abandon, perhaps a little selfishness…with a great amount of mishugas and a dash of chutzpah, I’m doing what makes me happy…and will I miss my friends? Yes, deeply and I’m writing this crying tears of joy…and tears of sorrow for the friends I’ll miss…but I know of no friend who would ask me to stay somewhere where my heart is not happy.
I fly out in 14 months, three weeks and I’m chomping at the bit. I’m buying a one way ticket, and I’ll be landing with cash, a letter with some addresses from my Rabbi in case I should find trouble (or trouble finds me) and letting things fall where they fall.
I have the support of my family, I have the epiphany that will allow me to be happy, I’ll have my degree and now, after nineteen years of education this is my time to go where I’ll be happy. And people keep asking me “when will you move back?” and my answer, or the one I feel now (though god knows it may change in the future, you never know what the wind will bring) is “Never…only for visits.”
But I’m answering the call that I’ve been feeling for years to go east. I meet with the consulate to discuss Visas in December, I’ll also be visiting in December and getting oriented.
I spoke with Christie and I need to start grooming someone to take over my position on GS:101 at Yaoi North, the hunt is on. I have someone coming to take all of my non-professional reference books away on Tuesday and I have a friend who wants my book case…and this year is about to start flying past…and one week after I graduate I’ll be landing in another country (Ani Rotzeh Oseh Aliyeh) and starting a new phase of my life.
When you want it bad enough, anything is possible.
And I know some friends will be shocked, others upset…but I can’t base my life on what makes other people happy and forsake what will make me happy.
I need to go do Laundry so I have clothing to wear at Yom Kippur services…and I need to get out some note paper and start planning…14 months may seem like a lot of time…I assure you, it flies by far too quickly (or in some cases, not quick enough).
…I need to see if Shulamit still has her apartment in Tel Aviv for rent…I’ll ask her Tomorrow.