Subject: Like Simchat Torah…We All Seem to be Dancing in Circles.
Date: Tuesday 9/12/06 11:34:00 PM
Music: Love Dominates (No Man Can Tame Me) (Dynamix NYC Club Mix)-D
“I suggest you grab your ankles, and kiss your ass goodbye” – Snakes on a Plane Soundtrack
That’s me and Andrea from the AEPi Frat Party/Steve Irwin First Annual Memorial Beer Pong Tournament this past weekend. Andrea looks cute (as always), the camera caught me off guard though. It was a fun time, I had five girls hit on me and didn’t really feel the need to tell them I was gay. I hit on straight men all the time, might as well get some ego boosting myself from the ladies…I think I heard “wooow, that’s so interesting…what else are you studying” like, twenty times.
“Just fade away…”
When I was seventeen I joined numerous political groups (of various distinctions) in what would become a search to find myself (and one day, i’ll talk about them, by name no doubt, in a book I’ll one day dedicate ink to…today is not that day, and it wont be that day for awhile, but it’ll come…eventually).
This lead me on an amazing five year journey up and down the East Coast from New York to Vermont to Boston to Washington, D.C. and Florida and they wanted to fly me places and they sent me to many places; I was introduced to political leaders from the Columbian Labor Movement, Cuba, The Bolivarian Circles, Cuba and the list goes on.
As I’ve said many times for many years (and will no doubt say for many more to come) the dogma of who you are doesn’t change, but your doctrine does. The doctrine of what you believe must be subject to change – it’s the one thing that lets us know that we’re human, that without having anyone be able to call us a hypocrite we have the ability, the option, the right to change our mind, to find new and innovative ways of thinking and if we refuse to re-shift and adjust our long standing beliefs for one’s that are more cosmopolitan and in line with science, technology and the overall search for academic truth than we have lost what it means to truly be alive. As someone who was a greater man than myself said “He who know the truth, let him proclaim it, regardless of who it is for or who it is against” and it was, without a doubt, an exciting time in my life, to be behind the scenes organizing political movements both local and national. However, I knew (and pondered in my mind) a couple of year ago, that this chapter of my life was due to close before I graduated and it was only with the strife that I experienced with my father that I was able to adjust the doctrine of who I am and bring that in line with my core beliefs and put it into words and was able to understand the situation as it stands, as it stood and will come to be; which is why I resigned from all of my political organizations.
Rage, if handled with meditation and control, can be a powerful tool and can move cities and people…you have to hold on to it just long enough to use it as a tool and just short enough to not let it consume you. With my father I took the hurt and pain that he caused me and held onto it while I did other things, that if I were not already hurt, would hurt me more and took it and used it as a tool to end relationships that needed to be completed and to drop friendships that were one sided and unhealthy – not easy choices – but choices that needed to be made. Since I was already hurting I wasn’t able to be hurt anymore and I used the rage as a shield to stand behind as I got work done and it’s at that precise point when you’re able to draw down the rage and use it as a shield without hurting anyone that you’re effective, so long as you recognize that when you’re done with it you let go, and let go I did.
The new domain, email and cell is to make it slightly harder to find me; because some of the groups I worked with didn’t want to take no as an answer and would not stop calling me which facilitated my need to change some of my information. i know that one day my name will no doubt cause this page to rise to the top of the search engines again (I was the number one search result for my name), but by the time it takes for that to happen they will (hopefully) have been able to move on…but I really don’t want to have to change everything again…it’s incredibly difficult to keep reinventing the wheel. However this did let me come up with an identity that more accurately reflects who I am as a person and for that I’m thankful (with special thanks of course to Kat (katancelt) for sitting with me and coming up with the name).
It took me five years of searching to find out where my footsteps ended and they ended where they began, right at the ark’s door of my Synagogue where I stood when I took an oath that I would be a part of the Tikun Olam…and now that a certain chapter of my life is coming to a close it does not negate the oath that I took (above all else I try very hard to be a man of my word) so it is with joy that I can post the program description I wrote for a program that I co-created with a very talented person:
Chai Line (Life Line) Program Description
The goals of the Chai Line are simple and can be condensed into one sentence “To be there.” Often times on a college campus, students are confronted with a myriad of problems which they have never encountered. Often they can feel lost in a wave of change. Chai Line will be their life boat and their lighthouse; we’ll be there making sure they get home safe at night and we’ll be the hands that carry them when they cannot walk themselves. Our reasons for doing this are simple: whenever there have been times of need, our people have relied on each other; turning to one another for a helping hand. Wherever a Jew sees a Mezuzah they know they have safe voyage a place to sleep and a meal to eat – this is not only our duty, but our commandment. There’s no reason why students who aren’t feeling well or who are facing challenges in their life should have to face these challenges alone. There is no reason that they shouldn’t have their family to support them.
– we are one.
“Indeed our survival as a people depends on it.”
If you’re sick we’ll bring you soup and keep you company. if you need a ride home or feel unsafe at a party, reach out to us and we’ll come get you – no questions asked, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone and no one will judge you; we just want to make sure you get home safe. Need medical attention? We’ll refer you to a Jewish doctor who can take care of you. Need condoms? We’re realists and above all else, we want you to be safe: we’ll make sure you get some. Facing Anti-Semitism on campus? We’ll connect you with someone who can help.
We will work to continually embody what חי truly means and to become the students life line – a place that students can come when they are having any problem and know that they will be treated with dignity and respect. By helping students, we will teach them how to help others and how to help themselves.
No Jew is ever alone, especially in Buffalo.
Chai Line Chairman
Now let’s see how much funding I get from the Adult Board (::spins wheel:: no whammies, no whammies, no whammies…)
“The poison gets me high, just a little taste, shook my life and hit me like a drum…”
It feels good to see Pagan Ministries (a/k/a Those Fun and Adorable Pagans) getting off to a good start, to have passed on the presidency and administration to other members and that I’ll be working with Chris (gryvon) to facilitate and lead the religious aspect of events. Now to just sit before the Campus Ministries Association and have them have a formal vote…fortunately I have three (at last count) members who are voting…so hopefully we’ll get in with no problems.
In my next post…right now it’s time to do dishes, clean up a little, and then start finish a ten page paper on prescriptive and descriptive linguistics and sociopolitical perspectives (this is due 7:00PM Wednesday…no, I didn’t procrastinate…well, not intentionally…long story, I’ll explain later).
And he’s off!