An Update

Subject: An Update

Date: Saturday 8/26/06 5:23:00 AM

Thou shall honor thy mother and thy father

My religious beliefs are interesting, I’m a Polytheistic Monotheist – in that I think that all Gods that people worship are of one power-source (the same non-gendered or polygendered ‘God/Goddess/Being’ under a thousand different names) and the same ethereal thing, and I manifest that belief in the faith of my people and express it through Judaism (which is why my Rabbi understands perfectly well why I was the President of the Pagan Student Association), plus I leave room for all possibilities. I think it must suck to be all knowing…I don’t know how I’d live with no room for discovery, as it is I think there’s too little blank space on the map.

So that said, I have numerous documents to turn to when I have questions about what the correct or the moral thing is to do. Where I see what is commanded and balance that with modern day Science & Anthropology and Medicine. In the entire Torah we are commanded to honor our parents; which is taken to mean that we take care of them when they are sick, and when they are elderly, like they took care of us when we were sick or when we were children. However, no where in the entire Torah does it say we have to Love our parents.

Love is a gift that the child can choose to Bestow on their parent or parents. I can’t love a verbally abusive, emotionally distant asshole. I’m not a fool. I read my fathers response to my letter and 95% of the letter didn’t address anything and was him rambling and the 5% of the letter that remotely addressed anything I wrote was inflammatory and inconsequential, it touched on things only to delve back into an area of canon fodder. He missed the entire point and tried to play things off with rose colored hindsight, like “clearly I was to immature to understand the lesson he was trying to teach me.” Somehow, I don’t think that’s the case…somehow, I think that when you were bitching, it was to bitch.

I told him he was walking a fine line and he crossed it.

I’ll be home for Thanksgiving because that’s my Mom’s favorite holiday (mine is the Kol Nidrei service)…and that’s it. He’ll see me once a year; I don’t want him at my wedding when I’m getting married (not if, but when) and I can think of quite a few people more deserving, who helped me get there, who can get the ticket I was holding for him to see me walk at Graduation. He’s not getting introduced to whomever I’m dating. I won’t speak to him on the phone because he can’t control himself and when he’s old (providing he doesn’t give himself a heart attack before then) I’ll make sure he’s cared for, but he can count visits out. Trips to Vermont with him are done, and if I have to take a few years off to work (and there is no job that’s beneath me, my Grandparents called even the most menial jobs opportunity and so do I) before I can pay for Grad School, that’s fine by me. If I have to sell my possessions to travel where it is that I know I need to go, so be it. I have complete faith in myself to do what I need to do. I have no doubt, at all, that I’ll make it.

I’ll honor him. but I don’t love him; I’ve been done with that for a long time. This entire month has had the emotional weight of a breakup (which normally, for me, doesn’t carry too much emotional weight – though I credit that with the fact that I haven’t fallen head over heels for a guy yet) and now we’ve fallen out and now that I’m done with it, I just don’t feel anything for him, though I’m still angry at him for his actions that will subside as I move into my usual schedule and don’t have to deal with him daily as I’ve been doing in close proximity for the past three weeks.

It’s done. He’s made his choice, and I’ve made mine. I’m choosing to live a life we’re I’m surrounded by friends that I care deeply about, where we celebrate and rejoice, the only way to express it, is that I choose to live.

Oseh Chaiyim

Mom

Mom is currently resting and watching DVDs. It’ll take six weeks to heal; but she’s hanging in there and being a trooper.

Hebrew III, Arabic III

I registered for Hebrew III again today…yes…I’m a masochist, but at this point, even if the instruction just sucks (which believe me, it does) I’d rather have sucky instruction than no instruction. I’ve also ordered Rosetta Stone Hebrew to supplement what little instruction I do get.

I really can’t wait for Arabic to start up again…there’s 19 of us in the Class…this will be our Third semester together, I’m excited.

Sex Dreams

So today, JUST as I was getting into the hot and heavy in a wonderful sex dream, the phone goes off. Honest to god…I have met the Devil…his name is Murphy and he was a legislature. It was going to be such a hot scene too, I could just tell and then RING!

Pokémon is Serious Business!

So I’m really loving the new Pokémon Emerald version (and the GBA Micro is a very nice unit to game on). Its nice to have a change of characters and geography in the RPG but still keep the basic story line and game play (though I can’t help but notice how gendered the game is). Hard to imagine, but I’ve been playing Pokémon for ten years…that means I started playing, when I was…like, eleven…wow.

I was serious about that working out

First and foremost, this baby is on it’s way to me:

No, its not a bullet proof vest. It’s an 84Lb weighted training vest. Can’t wait. I used to have a 20 pounder but it just didn’t fit the bill (too light). Can’t wait to run suicides…if you’ve never run them, go to a High School gym teacher and have them show you how; once you get used to them, they’re actually fun. I’m a big fan of any work out I can do either in my apartment or on a field or in the snow…I tend to avoid gyms (other than home gyms) in all honesty, I’d have no problem being in a gym…if I looked GOOD in the gym…like, as soon as I have that six pack, I’m there. I’ll go three times a week, I’ll even get a few cute gym outfits. Until then, I’ll stick to field work.

“Couldn’t you just try…not being a mutant?”

So I saw X3…honestly, a Ménage à trois between Cyclops and Wolverine would be the hottest thing ever. Though, if I had to choose I think I’d pick Cyclops…much better stubble. It was a neat allegory for the LGBT Rights Movement. I’m curious to see where (if anywhere) they’re going to go with it (since they certainly left room for a sequel); I certainly don’t think they’ve resolved everything.

Buffalo Landing

I’m flying back to the B-Lo today, couldn’t come soon enough.

Okay, sleep all.

G’night.