Two days ago it was almost like coming out of the closet again…

Subject: Two days ago it was almost like coming out of the closet again…

Date: Thursday 2/16/06 12:06:00 AM

Tags: blog: edit me,blog: tag me

Two days ago it was almost like coming out of the closet again; not that I was nervous but because I was making a big decision that I knew would impact the rest of my life and that I was coming public with what I was thinking for a long time.

After meeting with my Academic Advisor I sent an email to some close friends and my parents and grandparents and let them know that not only was I graduating in short order (she forced me to fill out my degree conferral form), but that I was moving to the Middle East for graduate school after I graduated. And once it was out in the air, it was much easier to start to plan for…a weight was off my chest.

I graduate on June 1, 2007

Next semester I will be taking part in no extra curricular activities, my schedule will be insane but it is doable; this summer I’m taking a ton of courses including a full year of American Sign Language and Comm Theory stuff.

On June 28, 2007 I fly out to the Middle East to begin a new stage of my life.

There’s a Black, Bisexual, Muslim guy that I talk with up here in Buffalo (I give you his demographics so you can see where he’s coming from when he talks with me and for no other reason). He told me the other day that the United States isn’t big enough to hold me and I think he’s right…and I know everything takes time but the balls rolling now and that’s the first step as I start to write my own Shoemakers Tale.

I was speaking with my Mom on the phone and she said “don’t you think you should talk with us about this?” and I was like “not really” not in the “I don’t value your opinion way,” because I do value my parents opinions but in the “my mind is made up way” – this is something I need to do and it’s going to happen…so I was happy to hear my mom go “well I’ll have a place to stay when I visit now” because it’s going to happen and I’d rather it happen with my parents not kicking and screaming the entire way =)

And in keeping with how I applied and got into UB; the first time I set foot on the campus will be after I’ve received my acceptance letter and I’m there to start my first day of classes or go for orientation. I never saw UB before I told them I was coming and I don’t see any reason to change that now.

Every decision we make in life determines our future outcome.

So of course I get the usual questions of “how will you afford this?”, “how will you make it?”, “you can’t do that” and the answer is very simple (for me).

Where there is a will, there is a way. I was told by my teachers in elementary school and middle school that I’d never make it to college let alone graduate. I am graduating. I was told that I’d never be able to come off my medication; I am completely off it – everything – since this summer and no one can tell that there was any change unless I tell them (never discount the power of meditation). I was told by some that I’d never be thin…I’ve lost a shit load of weight and I’m almost there and I was told that my standards were to high but I’ve met men who meet and exceed them. So I’ll do what I need to do to make this work.

I’m applying to Tel Aviv University, American University at Beirut and American University at Cairo for the Masters Program…I eventually want to get my doctorate and I know that eventually I will; but after speaking with Jackie V and thinking about it, I want to do everything in steps – every piece of the puzzle is coming together (albeit slowly) and it’s terrifying and exciting at the same time and I love it.

Sometimes you have to learn how to run before you can crawl.

Of course the question comes up “what if I don’t get admitted into any of my choices” – I’m still going, anyone who’s known me for a long time knows I only write in ink and there’s a saying in the Jewish Community “if you can’t go over, you must go under” and there’s more than one way to achieve what I want and I’m going to get it. If I don’t get admitted I’m still going and I’ll get a job and I’ll keep picking up the language and I’ll find a way to get in while I work.

The one relieving thing is that literally everything I own is in my apartment in Buffalo which makes it easier to have yard sales to get rid of the excess crap…I refuse to pack and move my shit again; there’s very few things I have sentimental attachment to in my apartment.

Anyways, time to finish two more chapters of Hebrew, then flash card…and before i even do that (even though it’s due in 9 hours) I need to clean up my apartment before I go nuts.

Peace.