Subject: The Accident Part The Third
Date: Monday 8/25/03 10:13:00 PM
Music: At The End-IIO-Queer as Folk – The Third Season
Tags: the accident
So this morning I woke up before my alarm clock got out of bed, checked email and got dressed and met up with Bev (a nurse, comrade and close friend of mine who works at Buffalo General and someone who I’ve done alot of abortion rights and gay rights work with). She was in full blown “omg, I know what your mothers going through mode…” and she took me to Buffalo General.
I signed in with the Dental Clinic, after a long wait and many forms I was told by a nurse that they didn’t have my X-Rays and that I needed to get them before I could be seen.
Bev went into gaurd dog mode and attempted to tear out her throat and is preparing to go to the administration of the hopsital with a list of complaints a mile long. We eventually finish the argument and Bev drives me over to Millard Fillmore Suburban hospital where I sign out my X-rays and then we drive back.,
More waiting…lots and lots of waiting.
Then I’m seen by Dr. Alex, D.D.S., M.D. (Oral Surgeon) who starts to poke and prod my face, examen the X-rays and do some more poking and proding. As it turns out my nose has a hairline fracture which we’re going to try and let heal on it’s own.
My teeth are a different story. They’ve been pushed in. We’re going to wait until Friday to see if they can’t start to heal on their own, and then we’re probably going to have to add metal bars and wax and stuff to them (this being the non technical terms) to get them shoved back in. I’m also, in all probability going to need two root canals. I’ll know more on friday. Root canals don’t sound like fun, however it could be worse – I could have no teeth, so I’m not complaining.
They found bruises on my knees and elbows which was indicitive that I fell in a crouched position. The doctor told me to “not blame myself” – which I wasn’t – because “with the medication you’re on, it’s no wonder you didn’t wake up…” and although I wasn’t in a terrible amount of pain at the time, I didn’t turn down the offer to get some perscription strength ibuprofin cause…well, non addictive pain killers are your friend. I also got a script for an oral mouth wash.
Bev then drove me over to Wegmans where I got my scripts filled and did some mild shopping and then back to the dorms where I managed to get my key to work and thus don’t need to get it replaced (yay!).
My mom and dad for some reason think that someone kicked the crap out of me (I don’t know if this is still their theory). Dad asked me if someone put something in my drink the night before. The answer is “no.” Higher grounds coffee shop is a church on sunday and I was with my close friends, I know that none of them drugged me and that if they saw someone drug me…well let’s just say that I don’t think said drugger would stand a chance vs. these folk. I also know that if for some strange reason I was drugged it would work instantly, and not eight or nine hours later (I went to bed at around 4am). I don’t buy this line of reasoning, primarily because of my lack of defensive wounds and the fact that my laptop, wallet and PDA have remained in my room untouched as does my gay pride flag on my wall (which surely would have been removed or defaced if this were a gay bashing). Plus the bruises on my elbows and knees.
But let’s say that this “accident” really isn’t an accident. What did it accomplish? What did it “teach me?”
It’s made my faith in the gods even stronger – I thank the gods for the fact that I didn’t die, I thank them for the fact that I can now have the opportunity to say goodbye and tell my friends and family how much I love them and I thank them for providing me comfort when I was in the hospital – the gods are always there to listen to whoever would turn to them to speak and pray – you don’t need to be in temple or church or mosque to pray or be close to the gods, they’re never far away and they’ll always listen to you if you need to talk; always.
If it was a gay bashing, let me tell you I’m still queer and I still want a man and I still want to have gay sex so they didn’t accomplish much other than some physical damage – I’m always willing to take a hit for the gay community even if that hit is by bullet; I’d rather be a martyr and dead than be a coward and go out with my hands up. Giving up is not an option nor is surrendering – I’d rather die with honor than die a coward – nothing is worse than a dishonorable death.
If someone didn’t like my politics or for some reason was pissed off at me for how I treated them (I freely admit I can be a bitch or rather that I am a bitch) then they really didn’t teach me “a lesson” in the way that they would want to because I’m not scared of them nor do I plan on backing down or changing who I am fundamentally to please anyone. In the end this is a minor inconvience on the road of life and while I’m sure this has scared others more than it’s scared me, in a few weeks it shall be forgotten completely as I move on with school and with my life and with my art work and political work.
I’ve learned that beauty is only skin deep – I didn’t find myself “hot” perse before but I know that I certainly look better minus the Panda/Racoon eyes. If this has taught me anything, it’s that behind the skin there’s a person which should be the first thing that you get to know – the beauty should be merely considered an added perk. This is something I didn’t really know in reality (I knew the theory) before the accident, but I do know now.
I’ve learned that people will claim to be “your friend” during the goodtimes, but it takes a real friend to stick it out with you when the going gets rough. I’ve also learned that laughter is truly the best medicine – even when it hurts.
Through this I learned that I have some extremely dedicated and loyal friends:family:comrades from all walks of life, of all political persuasions of every political background and belief system and religion. All of my frieneds, family and comrades showed their true colors and all but a small few should be very very proud of the fine people that they’ve become and the paths of life that they’re walking. I also learned through this that beauty isn’t perhaps the first thing I should look for in someone because it can easily be taken away (“and in a flash it was gone…”) and if you only look at the physcial, there will be nothing after it’s gone and it doesn’t last forever. I’ve learned how much I love my friends and how much I love my parents and family even when my family drives me up the wall (I’m sure I drive them nuts as well). I’ve learned how lucky I am to attend UB and how lucky I am that there are people out there who want to help just for the sake of helping. I’ve learned how much I truly love the gods and how much I truly love my religion.
So all in all, if I were the “victim” of a “beating” instead of an accident, I thank the person for the lessons that they’ve taught me – these are valuable things to learn at a young age (yes eighteen is young as is nineteen – though I promise you that I’ll never grow old). If this is, as I think it is, an accident, then I’ve still learned some valuable things so ce’st la vie.
Time to move on my friends, time to move on…
In spiffy news, I received a very very well thought Birthday present from Agnes (dreamfireflame) – it’s a lion. Those of you who have followed this journal know my close spiritual connection with lions…it’s tres, tres spiffy.
Christie (gryvon) and I are now both under the strict impression that we work so well together because she’s the man in our “relationship” and I’m the woman. As I’m gay and she’s a lesbian, this appears to be a correct assesment.
Agnes also gave me a spiffy tarot card reading…much to think about and Candie and Mikey are still the cutest thing on the planet and Sarah gave me one of her friendship bracelets today which was nice ^_^ – she also turns into the terminator version of Jewish Grandmothers at a moments notice…I fear the day we let her cook passover…not because I’m afraid of her messing up, but because I have no IDEA how we’re going to store all that food…(edit note: I’ve been informed she can’t cook…chinese take out it is!)
Now…’bout them kittens…if a cow’s on the door with a beret and a cigg in it’s mouth and a goatee, don’t come a knockin m’kay?
~ me ^_~
P.S. Dad will be coming up tomorrow ^_^ Dave will be with him ^_^ you’ll get to meet some of my family…Also…either attempting to lower bed or get a futon…’cause this whole sleeping high up thing is SOOO not happening again…