Wow…the past 48 hours…

Subject: Wow…the past 48 hours…

Date: Thursday 7/3/03 8:37:00 PM

Music: One-Faith Hill-Cry

[friended: everyone but rents]

So you heard me mention that my mother was sleeping on the couch…well yeah, she was – because she didn’t want to be in the same room as my father. Apparently, when my father and brother were fighting last night, my father basically insulted our family (being Mom, Dave, Sam and Myself). He’s been acting like a pure asshole lately, of course I really can’t be a judge because my father and I have always had an adversarial relationship. If we’re not at odds over something, something has to be seriously wrong.

So flash back to yesterday. Dad comes home, he was perhaps on full brood mode, if such a mode is possible. I walk to my mom and said “what’s wrong” – her response was that she didn’t know. Apparently my father is having issues with sam (My 12 year old younger brother) and baseball. Well, not only that, but my father has been enraged recently, he seriously has been off the wall.

Fine, I go to work today – expecting a ‘normal’ – if there is such a thing as ‘normal’ – day. Things started out normal. Benn (theantiview) came in and tried to pay with a 20.00 less than an hour after we opened, I laughed and paid for it and told him he could pay me back, ’cause the odds of my breaking a twenty at that hour were well…none. Proceede to do inventory get it all labeled Not an hour after Voula (the Pharmacy Tech) gets there (at 10:00), she gets a call – one of her closest friends was hit by a truck while riding a bicycle (not a motorcycle). Fred the pharamacist being nothing more than a stone with a degree, didn’t want to let her leave work to go to the hospital – HER FRIEND WILL MOST PROBABLY NOT MAKE IT and the way fred acted was so gross and so disgusting. He has a heart of stone.

Well Debbie (the manager) told Fred off, Voula left (thank god, she needed to be with her family). And Fred insulted Voula the entire rest of the day This then meant that everyone was doing double time, but with Debbie and I, we were fine. At parts of the day I was operating two counters (at opposite ends of the store) by myself (this meant literally running from one side of the store to the other). Thank god I had the wireless phone, because I was on the phone, helping customers and dealing with Fred (the Pharmacist) and doing lottery all at the same time. I think I need to call Estella my squid (woot for toast!) and get her to help me.

Anyways, I want to state this to those who are obviously able to read this post, and I want you to take it to heart, because I mean this from the core of mine.

I love you

Please, never leave on an argument, or an an angry note (“merry ye meet, merry ye part”) because life’s to short to be truly angry and you never know when you’ll get the last chance to tell someone that you love them. Three strong words that can mean to some the difference between life and death (slash my wrists with a razor knife, all I asked was that you ask me to be yours and say the three magick words that could bring me back to life).

So yes, I love you with all that that implies. Please tell your parents and your friends that you love them too, it’s so important. Three words, I don’t know why some find it hard to say.

Anyways, moving on and away from the most serious part of this post, I had some nice experiences today (although most of the day was overcast in a grey cloud of misery).

First, the store next to us is Lemon Tree and I deal with their haircutters on a regular basis, as they’re always in to get snacks and chit chat – well one comes in and as I’m ringing her up she gets talking with Debbie and she goes “He’s the best – omg, we love him” and I’m thinking…”Wow, I thought that you guys sort of disliked me…” and then she goes “Carmella LOVES him” and I’m like in my head “Wow…I thought that she REALLY didn’t like me…” and my manager responds “You should hear his phone voice – he’s so polite it kills me – everyone loves him” – which then made me think “wait…people are talking about me when I’m not here…hrm…that’s kind of weird” so that was kind of nice to hear, and it’s always nice to have one’s Manager told these things. Then my mother comes in and Debbie made me blush more than I have before save for when I’m with my Grandma…

Anyways, moving on from there some other interesting things happend – like I found out where I stand with Fred – the same “Heart of stone, I hate everyone” person bastard I was discussing before. Basically, it’s my job to do the front end of the store – rarely, I’m asked to do the back (which is where the actual Rx’s are dealt with, I deal primarely with over the counter products). However, Fred apparently requested that I work the back instead of the girl who normaly works there, from what I can get figured out because Voula was out (I really hope she’s okay) he needed someone competent. The fact that Fred thinks I’m competent is so stellarly amazing, you have no idea – Fred hates everyone. Then, apparently two weeks ago I made an error on an invoice, so I said immediatly “that’s my handwriting – my fault” and Fred sort of shrugged it off and Judy (who fights with fred like a match fights with a can of gasoline…) turns to me and whispers “why didn’t he call you a shit head!!?” my response was “because I’m cute” ::flash smile:: and the look on Judy’s face was priceless, she was sort of pissed which was good, considering the fact that she was driving me nuts. (please allow me to be immature for two seconds: “Ha! Eat that bitch!” – thanks…I needed that)

Anyways, come home, try to digest what happend today…just the thought that you may be out for a stroll and then never come back home is powerful – no one’s invincible – not me, not you, not the all mighty Brian, no one, and it’d do us well to remember that we can be gone in a flash, just like anyone else. Poof.

I ran for an hour today when I got back, and then dad got home, he was being Pompus, acting like nothing was wrong – although according to Mom, he does know that she’s upset with him (although I think upset is putting it mildly). I forgot to mention that when mom came into the store earlier she informed me that she’s going to hold what she wants to tell him in until she bursts at him and lets him know what’s what – this is going to be a long few days…

Then dad left for Baseball and I went to L.A. Hair to meet up with Andrea (another Witch) who did my nails. I felt like I was in heaven, wow hand massages are great – and my nails look great…and DAMMNNNNNN she’s good. We had a great time and I totally unwound for a bit and forgot about what was going on, I’l l go back there in two weeks to get it redone for 10.00 it was more than worth it.

Drove home, and on my way stopped at the pharmacy. Fred was there, acting like an asshole (you’ll forgive me for the amount cursing in this post, I usually try to stay away from it given the option) and Voula hadn’t called in, which isn’t surprising considering how badly Fred treated her when she was crying and an emotional wreck. I really wish I had her home telephone number, or address. I’d send her cheer up flowers or something. I’ll bring her some flowers tomorrow at the pharmacy or something. I’ll go to fairway tonight and get some, I think. Just…I don’t know this person, but what hurt me the most was seeing Voula cry. My chest just got this burst of pain in it (on a side note, I “feel” anger and pain in my chest…it’s sort of weird…I’ll explain it in more detail to those who care to know). God, Voula is so sweet and kind, there isn’t a bad bone in her body, and to see her cry hurt.

Anyways, I’m a little concerned to say the least, with how my family’s currently functioning. Like, this is not healthy, this is not good and this most certainly isn’t normal. Ttempers are at an all time high. Sigh, and this makes me feel even more alone, I never feel “at home” at my house, and this just makes me constantly say “why the hell am I here.”. I’m going to go run and think and pretend I’m elsewhere, and imagine and dream while running and then I’ll probably go to sleep – tomorrow is Pay Day (thank the gods) and then I’m working Saturday (with Debbie, and Fred won’t be there, so the day should be a blast).

I just hope that I don’t have to cover for Voula in a while – not because I don’t want to help her out, but beacuse it would mean that she has to go to a funereal.


~ me